O'Lord save me from my own abuse,
O'Lord help me to, see the truth
I've been blind for so many years, O'Lord

O'Lord help me be a better man,
O'Lord please help me understand
Why we all must hurt like this, O'Lord

Hard to keep the faith when I'm falling
Hard to see your face when I'm crawling
Hard to keep the faith when I'm falling down
With no one around

O'Lord help me to control my rage
O'Lord tell me its not too late
I been angry for way to long, O'Lord

Oh God help me get my head on straight
Oh God take all this booze away
I've been locked in a drunken haze, O'Lord

Hard to keep the faith when I'm falling
Hard to see your face when I'm crawling
Hard to keep the faith when I'm falling down
with no one around,

Doing this alone is not working out
Bruisin, broken bones are keeping me down
I need some direction, need it right now
I'm falling down, I'm falling down...

Hard to keep the faith when I'm falling
Hard to see your face when I'm crawling
Hard to keep the faith when I'm falling down
With no one around

by Smile Empty Soul

"our world is a strange place...
escape this mental prison...
encompassed by bright lights "fast life"
giant-like buildings leaving their...
shadows to cover up...
the true way life...
beyond the brainwashed...
right past the walking dead...
underneath the nice view...
there are lies...
should i pretend that i'm blind...
oblivious...
to the hardships going on in this life...
not anymore...
everything's beautiful when you don't look down
awareness brings wholeness
undress this world's outer skin
i'll wake up to reality
and see this world in disbelief
reality in the eyes of the unblind
its life through true observance
let's wake up to reality
and see this world through me
there is so much out there to
see when you read between
thin lines, but most
of the time there's
nothing we can do" - Glasseater

today i feel physically weak due to not sleeping at all last. it's hard to sleep when you lay in your bed with the same things running through your mind over and over. running through every scenario you possibly could. about a week ago i tried starting my black eclipse and it wouldn't start. so i had no fuel pressure. so i pull the fuel pump out and find something in the tank that i could not identify. well i said fuck it and went ahead and started taking the parts i needed off of it for my yellow eclipse. well yesterday as I'm pulling the radiator out of it a white clump of something falls out of the hose as I'm taking it off. i look inside the radiator cap and find a big pile of sugar packed in it. i open my oil cap and power steering fluid and find the same thing. So needless to say that when I find my former roommates there will be hell to pay. fuck getting all pissed off. I'm going to get even.

if i don't write something soon i think I'm gonna break. with everything that has happened in the past week i need to get it out. I'm holding a lot in right now and it's killing me. so much is falling apart right now in my life. thought i had a girlfriend. she pulled the "let's just be friends for now" bullshit on me. then my roommate that i hate is moving out and being a complete asshole about things instead of trying to be civil. he will get his soon enough. if he thinks this is the end it is far from over. got stabbed in the back by someone i thought was a friend screwing my chances with the girl i was dating. work has really been getting on my nerves again. but that might just be because my personal life has gone to shit again. whatever... fuck the world

well work sucks as usual. still need more money. still not getting it. lately I've really been wanting a girlfriend. i guess it's just the time of year. or maybe it's just been too long since i was happy about something. who knows. been partying a lot lately and for some reason i feel bad about it. i think that I'm betraying who i used to be. i went from being completely straight edge to getting drunk 2-3 times a week. i wish i could just be the person that i once was. I've changed so much and i hate it but i'm the one letting it happen... i wish someone would come along and put me back the way i was when i was happy and didn't need the partying and the drinking. my car used to keep me out of trouble but now I've run out of money to finish it and saving has been hard lately. I'm not unhappy but I'm not happy either. I'm just kinda breathing...